199

My weight has been an issue for me for all of my life. Even when I was very young, I was self-conscious about my size. I was bigger than the other girls, not fatter so much as just bigger. It didn't help that my two best friends were tiny. I couldn't share clothes with my friends like other girls. I was stronger and faster than most of the boys my age actually. It was a point of pride and shame for me at the same time.

Like millions of other people, I kept getting bigger as I got older. I carry my weight fairly well, but it haunted me. Winter 2011, I started training for my first half marathon. Exercise had not been a regular part of my life, ever really. Running was good for me in a lot of ways though, even with my asthma, but I started putting on weight. A lot of it.

About six months after my first half marathon, I got a new job and started a 20-month odyssey of stress like I'd never experienced. I was still running, which was one of the few things keeping me sane, but the running combined with continually elevated cortisol levels combined for even more weight gain.

This past summer, I hit a low to rival some of my lowest. I'd never been so big or felt so bad about myself. I was miserable with no idea how to get myself out of it. I knew I would need help to turn things around, and it would take a special kind of person at that.

Six weeks ago, I met a personal trainer and started changing my own life. I weighed 220lbs and couldn't remember the last time I'd been under 200.

Three days a week, I do 20-30 minutes of cardio, and three days a week, Errick kicks my ass for an hour. I write down everything I eat. Errick is emphatic that trying to follow another person's diet won't work. I have to find my own diet. I still occasionally have pizza for dinner. I gave up soda completely, but I have a beer while watching football from time to time. I don't eat as much though, and I burn more than I eat. I also weigh myself every morning and write that down, too.

Yes, I've given up some things. I made it through Halloween without a single bite of candy. I've also beaten my best mile time twice without an inhaler. "Uurraahh!" as Errick would say. The weight started coming off a bit at a time. The numbers bounced up and down from day to day, but the trend line kept tilting down. I'd set my first goal as getting under 200lbs. That was 20lbs to lose.

This morning when I stepped on the scale, I saw a number I hadn't seen in a long time. In fact, I was so skeptical I stepped off and back on to re-weigh myself five times. This morning, I weighed 199.6lbs. It's a slim margin, and there's a good chance it will bounce up and down a couple of times in the next week as I head to my next goal. I'm on my way though.

I am stronger and healthier than I've been since I was eighteen. My asthma gets better and better. My clothes fit better. I feel good. I can do this. 180, here I come!