And so it goes

My career at USA WEEKEND has come  to an end. After nine years, my position was eliminated.

I started in Newspaper Relations as the assistant marketing specialist. It was a different time in newspapers, at USA WEEKEND and at Gannett in general. As time passed and the industry started changing, it became harder and harder to maintain the status quo. Gannett started merging and consolidating, and USA WEEKEND was no longer immune. Departments were absorbed; layoffs started. I watched as long-time staffers were eliminated, and our CEO retired. We slowly being absorbed into USA Today. In the past year, it started to feel like longevity was a liability. The more of the old guard that was replaced, the more I started feeling like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole.

My bosses were meeting in the conference room and asked me to come in. It wasn't an unusual thing to happen, but as soon as I stood up from my desk, I knew what was happening. For no real reason, the thought just popped in my head. There's no doubt when someone you don't know is also in the room when you arrive.

I'm sure my bosses expected some reaction from me, but instead, I smiled, listened and cooperated -- hell, I was downright friendly to the woman from HR -- as the man I helped adjust to the mountainous learning curve of our business told me that as part of the restructuring of the magazine my position had been eliminated. He tried to tell me he appreciated everything I'd done for him and for all my years of service, but the words were flat and meaningless. I chose to just smile and turn my attention to the nice woman from HR who was going to tell me I had one week of pay per year of service and 5 days of benefits left.

While there were lots of things I might like to have said or asked, I chose instead to keep my head up and just roll with it. I knew I'd have a lot to deal with later, but I also knew that I could handle whatever comes. And I will.

This all happened on a Thursday. I was paid through Friday. The next week, I was going to be out of the office anyway for friends' wedding. We just got back and so tomorrow will really my first day in the trenches of the unemployed. I've already applied for unemployment benefits and talked with two recruiters. My resume is spit-shined and ready to go. The fact is I've been ready to go for a long time. I should have left years ago, but my admittedly warped sense of responsibility and loyalty kept me at a job where I no longer fit far beyond what it should. As crappy as this may be to experience, being laid off is going to ultimately be a good thing.

I've been applying for jobs and interviewing for a while, but nothing had worked out so far. I was applying for jobs online after work when I was tired and often frustrated. My job now is to spend time every day looking for the job I'll love. I have no excuse. In the meantime, I've talked to a couple of organizations about volunteering during the week, and training for my next race starts soon. My life is still quite full, and my hope is it will also have balance.

A few people know this has happened. I haven't kept it from anyone who's asked how work is going. The fact is I have nothing to be ashamed of and I see this as a good thing. I've been so touched at how many people have reached out to me with kind words about having worked with me and offers of help. Regardless of anything else, that means success to me. Here's to new opportunities for even bigger success.